Photo Credit: Anh Nguyen on Unsplash The joys of being a mother are innumerable, vast, and at times overwhelming. Do you remember that first moment you saw your newborn's little face? Or the first time your baby said “mama?” Pure, exquisite, unbounded joy! Motherhood is filled with countless moments of joy to perhaps last a lifetime and sometimes it’s just the smallest of things that make your heart swell with happiness. We are however living in unprecedented times. Many of us have never experienced anything of this nature before. There is the covid-19 pandemic coupled with racism and protests, these occurrences seem way too much to bear. Many moms are struggling and are especially challenged, not only to find normalcy for themselves but to provide some level of stability for their children as well. For many, work, school and play are all intertwined at home. Simply put, there is a lot of pressure on households, and on mothers in particular. Closed schools and isolation make the lives of mothers everywhere significantly harder.
Let us not forget the new moms during this time who have to be navigating pregnancy, delivery, and postpartum without the support of family and friends. What of the mothers who have lost their jobs and are experiencing extreme difficulty trying hard to keep their children fed and not face eviction. Mind you, some are single mothers. There are also mothers who have the responsibility of not only caring for their children but may be an elderly or disabled family member simultaneously, without additional support. To make matters even worse, there are those mothers who have lost a family member due to COVID-19. Remote Learning The combination of stay-at-home orders and distance learning has proven a heavy burden on both parents and children alike. Now both single and working mothers have to consider who will watch their children and assist with online learning lessons while they try to hold down a full-time job. Many mothers are now being forced to make some very heartbreaking decisions regarding whether to quit or scale back hours to ensure the supervision of their children’s remote learning. This places the careers of a number of mothers in jeopardy. Black mothers especially are sandwiched between the many challenges associated with covid-19 and the longtime reality of police brutality. Police Brutality Among the hundreds of protesters demanding justice for the rising cases of police brutality, black mothers seem to be the ones hurting the most. Many feel like their collective outcry for peace has fallen on deaf ears. They also worry that the mere skin color or stature of their sons put them in danger of being targeted by the police and so black mothers are constantly in fear. It was the Guardian that reported some 4 years ago that young black men were nine times more likely than other Americans to be killed by police officers and clearly that is still the case in 2020. One can recall the recent cases of Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor. On May 25th, 2020, George Floyd was murdered under the knee of Derek Chauvin while three other police officers stood by. Floyd died after several minutes of saying, “I can’t breathe,” pleading for Chauvin to stop pressing his knee into the back of his neck during the arrest. Any black mother would fear such cruelty being meted out to her child and so they are constantly in fear for their loved ones suffering from police brutality. Racism The day-to-day stress among black mothers knowing that their skin color is used to judge them and their offsprings that they are of the propensity to commit crimes, the daily stress of racism, racial profiling, and stereotypes can take a significant toll on their mental health. Due to this, many black mothers live in fear of the state taking their children from them especially when they are black, young, and pregnant. Additionally, many black mothers have experienced neglect due to the lack of proper pre/post-natal mental healthcare. Healthy ways to cope Any of these identified challenges is enough to take a major toll on any mother’s mental health, however, collectively, they can pack a devastating punch, and these problems can be exacerbated if you allow stress to get the better of you. Worrying not only undermines your focus, it deprives you of sleep, creates confusion, and will make you anxious and depressed, and if you have underlying health conditions, rest assured that worrying may compound them. While there are no simple, overnight solutions, there are several healthy ways in which moms can cope during such difficult times. Accept that you cannot control everything Bear in mind that it is impossible to control everything so improve on what you can and accept that it is a difficult time and others around you are also struggling. It is the elders who normally say “tough times won’t last forever anyway.” Focus on the Positives Do not dwell on the adverse or annoying things that are happening around you and within your family, look at the good things that you are experiencing too. Being pessimistic isn’t going to help things get any better so observe what your kids do and commend their good work. They too need positive affirmations because believe it or not, they are affected by everything too. Plan Ahead This is the perfect distraction moms need at times. Do some planning. Plan on ways to reduce expenses while creating savings and while the kids are at home plan fun activities that they can take part in. Maybe plan a short camping trip or watch a movie together. How about planning a zoom party or games night with your friends? Life doesn’t have to be on pause. Spend quality time with the family Strengthens your parent-child bond by playing games with the kids. Not only will everyone enjoy this but the cognitive skills of the children may be improved. Jumping jacks, hide and seek, catching balls and imaginative play will certainly help you get distracted from these tough times. Be affectionate Hugging, kissing and holding hands can have a tremendously positive effect when dealing with stressful events. It can be frustrating for children to adapt to this “new norm” of not being able to meet up with their friends physically so use kind words to them. Remember if the kids are more relaxed, your stress levels will automatically lower as well. The same goes for your partners. They too have their stresses dealing with so being affectionate keeps everyone in good spirits. Find time for yourself Mommies, this is very important. If you can’t help yourself, you will never be able to help others, let alone your children. So, make sure to take some time for yourself too. Find one of your favorite books and read a chapter or 2, or watch a few episodes of your favorite series. How about a cup of coffee with earphones plugged in while listening to your favorite songs? These relaxation techniques are the perfect way to deal with anxiety. Exercise Many moms have packed on a few extra pounds especially during the pandemic, as many gyms have closed their doors, plus the kids need extra mommy time now being home all day, every day, but exercise is a perfect way to cope during these times. Some light stretches and yoga every day is guaranteed to keep your stress levels down. Try it, you will definitely feel calmer. For additional resources and support visit the UNICEF parenting page Resources; https://www.unicef.org/parenting/coronavirus-covid-19-guide-parents Citation: https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2015/dec/31/the-counted-police-killings-2015-young-black-men
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Hi, I'm NakeiyaI decided to start Fabulous Mommys to help women and mothers throughout their journey of motherhood. Everyone's journey is not the same although we share similarities. One thing for certain is we ALL need a village and I strive to provide just that through education, tips and resources to help our village along. Moming isn't always easy or fabulous but it is rewarding. Some days I feel like Beyonce when I wake up and by the end of the day I look and feel like a hurricane hit me. Join me as I share my own stories, some recipes and fun! Archives
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